What's next?

I want to go back to my initial post and the questions that I posed myself which was the aim of my research and the purpose of this blog:

I will spend the next six months researching and engaging with this topic and seeing how nature and environmentalism can be engaging people from communities of colour. I want to find people in my local community of Brixton, South London to see how they think and feel about climate change.

On reflection, I think that I have been able to stick to the main aims and objectives of my initial blog but I have seen myself shift and starting to absorb and be more considerate to what I was trying to do with my practice and research goals.

I was a bit ambitious, especially regarding the community engagement element, this is only something that I am beginning to shape and I am working on a series of workshops that I will be initiating this summer. I will also be embarking on a residency - New Forest National Park Artist in Residence with an organisation called SPUD Works, this residency will culminate with an exhibition in October 2022.

I have found that my practice and my ideas and responsibilities have shifted immensely and I don’t see myself going back to how I used to work. I won’t be working in colour photography anymore (as not part of ‘my work’) as the cost and environmental factors mean that this is not a sustainable way for me to work. I also have more autonomy developing, scanning, and making work at home in my own darkroom and I have found that I have been resourceful with the work that I am making. I definitely feel comfortable and certain of myself with the avenue that I wish to take my practice.

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Image taken from the series, The Wanderer, December 2021, ©Marie Smith

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I have made a new series of work, titled The Wanderer, a body of work that consolidates all of my research ideas and poses a new aesthetic that will be explored further in the workshops and residency.

I am now able to answer and provide more context to what I was initially interested in researching and will be looking to make the process of my work as engaging and collaborative, I will be using my working methodology from Whispering for help to aid the work and residency as I believe that I have developed some good transferable skills that I would like to expand upon. I will be working on my project proposal and identifying the demographics that I wish to work with.

I now have a better understanding of terms such as nature, sustainability, and climate change and how it applies to my work, therefore I can now start implementing those terms into my practice. I am excited and also feel buoyant about what is coming next for me and my practice. My focus has shifted and I am grateful that I was given the opportunity and funding to explore a new area that seemed very abstract to me until now.

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Image taken from the series, The Wanderer, December 2021, ©Marie Smith

Wandering, Roaming and collaborating with nature

This felt better! This portrait session felt like it had a purpose and I was more connected to the surroundings, I was present in my body and I took my time.

Having a uniform - a long black coat over a long black dress with sturdy black rubber boots helped recreate a character and I felt less self-conscious and more like I was performing a version of myself but was not far removed from who I am. I was thinking of Carrie Mae Weems series Roaming (2006) whilst making these self-portraits, where I was the photographer and the subject.

The images of me looking back at the camera whilst taking my portrait was me acknowledging the duality of my role and the agency I had given myself. The context was mine to navigate and explore. I enjoyed the role, although it was cumbersome to set up the camera/tripod in different locations at one point the heavens opened and it poured down with rain. I had to hide under a tree for 10 minutes with a raincoat and umbrella as protection. Although the tree, given to me by Mother Nature was my main savior.

I emerged afterward under a blue sky that gave me permission to continue, I then found a point of reference, a long elegant tree stump that seemed dead but was very much alive and rooted in its locality. I have been obsessively photographing this tree for a year now. I decided to formally introduce myself to this tree by taking my portrait next to it, my companion and collaborator. Not an object upon me to project my subjective opinions upon bit a feature in the landscape that accompanied me every time I was in Brockwell Park. Equally, I was aware that I functioning now in multiple guises, this character was me, I mean is me but also is an extension of the multifaceted identity that Black women have.

In Sarah Jane Cervenak’s book, Wandering, the last chapter focuses on Weems series Roaming which was made in Rome/Italy in 2006. Cervenak’s notes Weems motivations behind the series:

‘Weems’s interest in architecture and power motivates the Roaming series. But, at the same time, an openness to the sublime moves alongside these secularized meditations. This openness, which arguably could be tied to Weems’s understanding of self as a “woman who yearns”, and as someone who needs a mental break, enlarges the roaming at work in the series. Indeed, given the interplay between scenes of walking and crawling, staring and stillness, Weems’s Roaming suggests powerful movement beyond the physical. A domain constituted by phantasmatic wanderings into a world just beyond this one. A kind of movement that might just provide that light and the break she is waiting for’. (1)

Like, Weems, I was trying to navigate a sense of openness and power/empowering myself to feel freedom, and belonging, and resist the narrative that means that I cannot have agency over a place that I have known my whole life.

I too, yearn to have a sense of peace and healing in nature, that’s why I felt like this portrait felt like a collaboration, for the first time, I felt calm and aware of what I was doing. Walking/roaming both have the same intentions for me, the outcome might differ but the intention comes from the same place.

Weems goes on to identify the roaming woman in the series:

‘I call her my muse- but it’s safe to say that she’s more than one thing. She’s an alter-ego. My alter-ego, yes …this woman can stand in for me and for you; she can stand in for the audience, she leads you into history. She’s a witness and a guide…. She’s shown me a great deal about the world and about myself, and I’m grateful to her. Carrying a tremendous burden, she is a black woman leading me through the trauma of history. I think it’s very important that as a black woman, she’s engaged with the world around her; she’s engaged with history, she’s engaged with looking with being. She’s a guide into circumstances seldom seen'. (2)

Footnotes:

1. Cervenak, Sarah Jane, Wandering - Philosophical Performance of Racial and Sexual Freedom, Conclusion - Before I was straightened Out (Duke University Press, Durham, and London, 2014), Page. 163

2. Cervenak, Sarah Jane, Wandering - Philosophical Performance of Racial and Sexual Freedom, Conclusion - Before I was straightened Out (Duke University Press, Durham, and London, 2014), Page. 163

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Interview with Myah Jeffers - community, healing and connecting with body and ancestry

The conversations I have been having with myself and now with other artists have been illuminating, forcing me to change my biases and the binaries that have framed my understanding of nature and my perception of what is nature.

Questions around belonging and community have been a preoccupation of mine and wanting to seek other artists that have similar concerns and cross-overs in their practice have made me feel more connected. Last week I had the pleasure of speaking to photographer and director Myah Jeffers.

Myah is Barbadian-British, London-based documentary, dramaturg, and portrait photographer. Myah' primarily documents the experiences of Queer and intergenerational, Black and diaspora communities. All of Myah’s work is made on analogue film - medium format.

I had been following Myah’s work for a while and I felt a kinship with her work not only as an analogue photographer but as an artist whose work focuses on mental health, community, nature, and healing. So, I was super glad to spend an hour talking to her and sharing mutual reading materials and experiences.

Self portrait made in Dungeness - Kent, juxtaposed with a tree in Bodiam - East Sussex, August 2021, ©Marie Smith

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With every interview I start off by asking the same two questions, to introduce themselves and to talk about their relationship and research about nature/ecology and environmentalism. The first question might sound silly, but by having the artist introduce themselves in their own words then perhaps they can illuminate themselves further.

With the second question, I already am aware that they have a relationship with nature from researching their work but again, for me, it’s about finding out the nuances and preoccupation with that artist that set the tone for the interview. I also answer these two questions which provides them (in this case Myah) with a further understanding of who I am and what I am seeking to ascertain from our conversation.

Myah’s relationship to nature is a space that can she connect to her body and her ancestry and to have a deeper understanding of community. Nature is a place of healing and is a place with herself but this relationship is constantly evolving. Myah moved to the UK from Barbados when she was 16 years old and this dual experience of the UK and Barbados has shaped her perception. Myah’s practice and research are rooted in reading and she mentioned two books by bell hooks - all about love and sisters of the yam which have provided her with solace and also enabled her to re-position herself with the landscape and also with her own process of healing.

We talked a lot about healing and trying to connect with the physical land, and how the Black diaspora lost their connection to agriculture which has led to the mind-body split due to a loss of engagement with nature and agricultural practices, this is exacerbated by diaspora communities living and working in cities.

Last summer was very emotional for many and in particular regarding the inaction and ambivalence from institutions regarding the BLM movement, not to mention the pandemic - this past year has been very draining and a struggle to reconcile. Myah mentioned lying down in Hackney Marshes soaking up the air and forging a spiritual connection with the earth. These experiences provided her with a prompt that evolved into the series There is No healing in Silence. This piece was made in Epping Forest and provided an opportunity to forge intergenerational discourse, the feeling of touch, and spiritual connection.

This is something I should try to engage with more, the land and the elements of the ecology of where I am. What is my spiritual connection to the land? How can I forge that connection rather than forcing it? Do I need to be taking photographs at every opportunity, probably not if I am honest?

Recently, I’ve developed a habit of carrying my camera with me everywhere, always looking to find an opportunity to document what I am seeing as though this will be enough to know how I feel about a place. I have lost the habit of walking, sitting, and being in the present moment with myself and where I am. I feel this is partly to do with a disconnection I feel with London at the moment and also because I have made more concerted efforts to explore other places outside of London.

Nevertheless, this act of sitting and being at one with the land reminded me that having this experience is just as important as making photographs. The discourse around ecology and climate change is not limited. A valid point that Myah made was that perhaps Black and diaspora communities do not think or use the same language as those in mainstream media in Western society but the concerns and considerations still exist.

Barbados is known as ‘Little England’ and the legacy of colonialism permeates the landscape. Myah reflected on how tourism and capitalism are shaping and fragmenting the natural landscape of the island. The beauty that remains is becoming commodified with places such as Harrison’s Cave. This cave is primarily populated by American and British tourists. The invisible and visible distinctions within the landscape play a part in the segregation of the communities. Myah mentioned tapping into memories of Barbados when she feels the need to retrieve a place that is comforting for her.

Agency, is a word that is instrumental in both my and Myah’s practice and is something that is always at the forefront of the work that we make. We spoke about what this means to us and our practice and how photography has created a space for us to find an agency. For Myah, the agency is a way for her to ensure that she can contribute to collective healing and to the community of resistance. Thus, allowing Black and diaspora communities to have the autonomy to be safe with themselves, with each other, and with the land.

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Self portrait made in Dungeness - Kent, juxtaposed with a tree in Bodiam - East Sussex, August 2021, ©Marie Smith

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Myah also reflected on her experience with her commission from where I am standing with the Empathy Museum and working with front line NHS workers - how a camera is a tool and the most important part of the process is the connection you have with the people. To create an authentic connection is to rescind some control in order that the people you are documenting are at the center of the process. So trust, which comes with constant dialogue with the participants is we talked about trust and how this can impact the final portrait if the trust is not there.

Community is at the heart of her practice, and Myah has definition of a community is based on bell hook’s definition; Community is a space where Black people can exist without fear, paranoia, or oppression. An imperative part of Myah’s work is to document Black communities and how conversations, through talking and through photography can aid the healing process. By seeing ourselves, in spaces, we are able to connect on a spiritual level. Myah is also seeking to contribute to the archive and the experience of Black Diaspora communities. In particular intergenerational dynamics and conversations can prompt further conversations within themselves.

Myah also talked about her gaze and how this is affected by commercial and personal work, and how it has shifted. She is aware of the implication this has on her practice, in particular when she goes back to make work in Barbados. Having lived in the UK now for several years and having access to film cameras, in particular medium format cameras, Myah is having to navigate the implications this has on her practice.

Mental health and wellbeing are at the forefront of my practice and I instantly felt this connection with Myah’s work so I felt that it was important for me to discuss this topic with her. I asked Myah about her research and how as Black people we are holding trauma and how we can find the tools to release the trauma that has manifested in their bodies.

Myah’s main research was bell hook’s sister of the yam, Toni Morrison’s novel Beloved and conversations with other Black women. This included having conversations and doing workshops in Epping Forest which became part of the process for the project There is No healing in Silence.

Also, it was great to know that I was not the only person that found fiction a relevant and important part of the research. Personally, fiction in particular writers from Black and diaspora communities holds an element of historical truth that is just as important and informed as academic writing. For Myah, fiction creates an important moment for Black and diaspora communities to contextualise their experience, this is informed by how we are treated in society. Fiction by Black writers centers our being and existence and fiction can create moments that she can reference and respond to, words are portraits.

As an analogue photographer, I was interested in Myah’s perspective on the process of working solely with film and how the has impacted her gaze and the type of work that she makes - personally and commercially. Myah made the switch to making work in analogue a year ago after she found herself uninspired by the digital process as it not allowing her to slow down her process.

The process with medium format film is more intentional but she is making the move to 35mm and it will be interesting to see how having a smaller camera will impact her practice. Medium format photography provides Myah with space and time to really interrogate her intentions, to look closely, and to ensure that she is capturing the nuances of her sitter. By utilising traditional portraiture photography as part of her practice, Myah is subverting the historical narrative about how Black people have been documented.

It was also lovely to end the conversation sharing the names of some of the artist artists/filmmakers and photographers that we both like, such as Adama Jolloh, Gordon Parks, Roy DeCarava, Khalik Allah, Kahlil Joseph, and Zanele Muholi was amongst the many that Myah referenced. 

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Self portrait collage, Black and white, August 2021, ©Marie Smith

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My conversation with Myah was very illuminating, the process of speaking to different artists has pushed to think about what I am doing with my research and what I am learning. I felt a string kinship with so much of what she said and she has reminded me that I need to take some more time, healing and dealing with trauma.

I thought I had processed this, but my recent social anxiety and living in London have triggered some underlying concerns that I felt that I had resolved. I also think that I need to spend more time, funny enough away from my camera and more time with looking and allowing myself to have a direct engagement with the land. So the next walk I go on I won’t bring my camera. I need to sit with my thoughts and feeling and notice what is resonating with me.

At the end of the research I hope to engage with Black and diaspora community to create a piece of work but I feel that before I can do that I have more work to do on myself and my understanding of nature and my relation ship with the land. I need to look more and make concerted efforts to be more honest with myself.

I need to heal.

I’m aware that I carry a lot of tension and I thought the act of photography would be a relief and to extend it does but it’s not the best way of dealing with every situation. I’m sure as I go back and listen to my conversation with Myah that there will be more for me to engage and reflect upon.

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Self portrait collage, Colour, August 2021, ©Marie Smith

Memories are not trustworthy and I should always remember that, this is all a learning curve

Memories are not trustworthy, I should know that by now.

On a recent trip to Seven Sisters, I went back to find this tree and to recreate a moment that is now over two years old, I remembered the location and I even spotted another previous image I had captured back in April 2019.

However, this elusive tree was not what I remembered and had become something else. This tree seemed to be swamped by a rouge bush and looked smaller and not so - glorious. The tree looked smaller and incoherent. At that moment I felt deflated but also silly as of course why wouldn’t the situation had changed, that’s not how nature works. It doesn’t stand still for anyone, it has its own rules and ecosystem that has nothing to do with me and my photographic aspirations.

In fact, I feel that this has been a good lesson for me and what I am trying to do with my research, I am searching for a place to belong, a landscape that feels familiar and that resonates with me. This trip was not a mistake but it was a lesson for me to be more articulate and reflective on what I am trying to do.

I don’t regret going and I now know that I must be more succinct in my working method, in particular in my search for a place to develop a relationship with, inspired by Roni Horn’s Island Zombie and Jamaica Kincaid’s My Book (Garden), both women have created a nuanced and in-depth relationship with their respective locations; Horn (Iceland) and Kincaid (Vermont, USA) and I am searching for this in the UK, trying to think and see beyond London if possible.

The search continues and I am not ruling out staying in London and trying to find somewhere local but I would like to challenge myself and my perception of the home which has to mean, looking beyond London.

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Lone tree in East Sussex, original image made in April 2019. ©Marie Smith

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The image below shows some go the 120 film negatives from my trip to Seven Sisters, I did manage to capture some images even though I was feeling deflated that day, uninspired, and overwhelmed by the heat. I have started a course at South London Gallery on Wednesday - SLG Skills: Photographic Printmaking course which is about learning sustainable film practices. This course is being run by The Sustainable Darkroom and the workshop was led by Eileen White - we had to bring our own plant-based developer which I made from tomato plant leaves which are being nurtured with care by my partner - Maciej.

My first attempt was not great (example below) but this workshop after one session has been a revelation for me and has made me realise that I was missing an element to my processes. This is something that I will elaborate on further in further posts but I am still processing what I have learnt this week, but this learning curve is improving my confidence - particularly with darkroom processes and I feel that something is definitely changing with my work and I am happy to embrace what comes next.

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120 black and white film negatives developed home made plant based developer, this time from home grown Tomato plant tree leaves. This was my first time developing 120, was very happy that the results were success. Images from trip to Seven Sisters and also from a view from my flat in Brixton. ©Marie Smith

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First attempt of plant based developer processed during workshop on Wednesday 21st July, some mistakes were made but I am still instruct in seeing the results, especially regarding the damaged frames from the film.

Reflecting on belonging and the gardens of Jamaica Kincaid

I’ve been reading about Jamaica Kincaid’s gardens in Vermont. Her book is curated with illustrations and refined sentences about her appreciation and relationship with gardening and the American landscape of Vermont; a northeastern state that borders the Canadian Provence of Quebec and has a distinct Englishness that feels familiar.

Vermont is part of the New England region and is the second least populated state in the US. Before Europeans colonised the US, there was a healthy indigenous population that inhabited the area for 12,000 years. My knowledge of Vermont before reading Kincaid extended to knowing about their Senator - Bernie Sanders, cold weather, and about how white the population is.

So it was a surprise to read about Kincaid; an Antiguan-American writer, essayist, gardener, and gardening writer living amongst the landscape that contrasted from her own upbringing in the Caribbean. I found myself easily absorbed by Kincaid’s writing, it felt like I was having a conversation with her and she has created vivid illustrations of the mountains of Vermont, the extreme weather, and the gardens that she has nurtured whilst living with her (then) husband and two young children.

Jamaica Kincaid is a Black woman who is mostly living in a white space surrounded by the history of England’s colonialism so this element must have felt familiar to her as she grew up in Angugia which only gained its independence in 1981 (the year I was born). However, the island and her memories do appear in the book infrequently and come in and out so it’s not really the focus of the book - the garden and her present existence in Vermont are at the forefront. However, the drastic difference between Antigua and Vermont does provide a point of reflection for me.

Kincaid is obviously passionate about gardening and is dedicated and appreciative of the cycle of nature and the abundance that her garden provides for her. The solace and a purpose for her, but also practical elements are not skimmed over such as the money spent buying new trees and flowers and the battles she faces when her attempts to furnish new life into her gardens don’t go to plan. At one point someone mentions cutting down some trees - this horrifies her and after the incident, she goes around her garden and apologises to the trees individually. You see she cares deeply and this act doesn’t seem absurd in the slightest.

I am only halfway through reading My Garden (Book) so there is still much to process in her writing and also regarding her relationship to nature. Currently, she is living in a house that was owned by the photographer which feels quite fitting! So I have been writing quite a few notes recently and I am working to start interviewing artists/writers/photographers/environmentalists about how nature is integrated into their life and practice.

Kincaid has also prompted me to think about what avenues I want to go down with my own practice. Will be something journalistic, personal, and reflective of the conflicting relationship with a place that has been enriched by the legacy of slavery and colonialism or will I choose to be more direct and address this history and by acknowledging it I can then reframe the narrative that reaffirms my belonging in UK.

I always find non-fiction writing more inspiring sometimes than academic writing, the narrative and the personal are easier to latch onto and I take strength from seeing someone similar to me thinking and processing similar ideas to myself. Makes me feel less alone.

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Collages of trees in Brockwell Park - June 2021

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Collages of trees in Brockwell Park - June 2021

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Collages of trees in Brockwell Park - June 2021

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Collages of trees in Brockwell Park - June 2021

Coming back to the beginning again

It has been a while since I went on a walk around Brockwell park with my camera, not since late winter.

Seeing the park in full bloom made me feel that those initial photos I had taken for my WIP 2021 were from another era, my mood has shifted slightly but I can still feel and even see the echos of myself pacing the park with a couple of cameras around my next, wrapped up and struggling to keep warm.

Now in the full blast of summer, I was back in the lushness of nature and all of the resplendent glory that makes you grateful for nature and the stimulus it provides. I was here with a group from PhotoFusion as part of its Step-Up programme, we initially met at the gallery and walked down together. We were each given an Ilford HP5 Plus - 35mm disposable Film Camera to use. I gave a short introduction to my practice and in particular my exploration of nature in my practice.

I explained to them what I wanted them when they reached the park and encouraged them to capture at a slower pace than they usually would. I even read them some poetry, and it wasn’t so cringing (hopefully). They all seemed eager and keen to get involved, and it was nice to be around people and talk about photography. I was also aware that it had been a while since I had been around people on a photo walk, all memories of previous ventures had been solitary outings which again changed my perspective. I wonder if it could be possible to do a project around photo-walking? Setting a tone of the walk with a poem or thought to reflect upon?

I’ve been writing many thoughts down and the work made that day will be considered as part of my research - the experience provoked me to think about the collective experience of photography outside of my private thoughts and hopefully the group appreciated putting themselves in a different state of mind. It was a sweltering day so it was challenging to not get overwhelmed by the heat but they did well and I was pleasantly surprised with my results.

This experience also made me reflect on the relationship of my WIP 2021 project to this blog, I can make a connection between the two, and one can provide provocations and ways for me to explore certain ideas. Whatever the outcome, the process will still be useful for me to be constantly editing and questioning the decisions I am making.

I will start reflecting more on portraiture as well as this is something that I want to introduce back into the project and I will initiate this with some self-portraits in a few months.

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Photos below were made in Brockwell Park during a workshop with Photofusion’s Step Up programme.

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Photos below were made in Brockwell Park during a workshop with Photofusion’s Step Up programme.

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Photos below were made in Brockwell Park during a workshop with Photofusion’s Step Up programme.

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Photos below were made in Brockwell Park during a workshop with Photofusion’s Step Up programme.

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Photos below were made in Brockwell Park during a workshop with Photofusion’s Step Up programme.