Wandering, Roaming and collaborating with nature

This felt better! This portrait session felt like it had a purpose and I was more connected to the surroundings, I was present in my body and I took my time.

Having a uniform - a long black coat over a long black dress with sturdy black rubber boots helped recreate a character and I felt less self-conscious and more like I was performing a version of myself but was not far removed from who I am. I was thinking of Carrie Mae Weems series Roaming (2006) whilst making these self-portraits, where I was the photographer and the subject.

The images of me looking back at the camera whilst taking my portrait was me acknowledging the duality of my role and the agency I had given myself. The context was mine to navigate and explore. I enjoyed the role, although it was cumbersome to set up the camera/tripod in different locations at one point the heavens opened and it poured down with rain. I had to hide under a tree for 10 minutes with a raincoat and umbrella as protection. Although the tree, given to me by Mother Nature was my main savior.

I emerged afterward under a blue sky that gave me permission to continue, I then found a point of reference, a long elegant tree stump that seemed dead but was very much alive and rooted in its locality. I have been obsessively photographing this tree for a year now. I decided to formally introduce myself to this tree by taking my portrait next to it, my companion and collaborator. Not an object upon me to project my subjective opinions upon bit a feature in the landscape that accompanied me every time I was in Brockwell Park. Equally, I was aware that I functioning now in multiple guises, this character was me, I mean is me but also is an extension of the multifaceted identity that Black women have.

In Sarah Jane Cervenak’s book, Wandering, the last chapter focuses on Weems series Roaming which was made in Rome/Italy in 2006. Cervenak’s notes Weems motivations behind the series:

‘Weems’s interest in architecture and power motivates the Roaming series. But, at the same time, an openness to the sublime moves alongside these secularized meditations. This openness, which arguably could be tied to Weems’s understanding of self as a “woman who yearns”, and as someone who needs a mental break, enlarges the roaming at work in the series. Indeed, given the interplay between scenes of walking and crawling, staring and stillness, Weems’s Roaming suggests powerful movement beyond the physical. A domain constituted by phantasmatic wanderings into a world just beyond this one. A kind of movement that might just provide that light and the break she is waiting for’. (1)

Like, Weems, I was trying to navigate a sense of openness and power/empowering myself to feel freedom, and belonging, and resist the narrative that means that I cannot have agency over a place that I have known my whole life.

I too, yearn to have a sense of peace and healing in nature, that’s why I felt like this portrait felt like a collaboration, for the first time, I felt calm and aware of what I was doing. Walking/roaming both have the same intentions for me, the outcome might differ but the intention comes from the same place.

Weems goes on to identify the roaming woman in the series:

‘I call her my muse- but it’s safe to say that she’s more than one thing. She’s an alter-ego. My alter-ego, yes …this woman can stand in for me and for you; she can stand in for the audience, she leads you into history. She’s a witness and a guide…. She’s shown me a great deal about the world and about myself, and I’m grateful to her. Carrying a tremendous burden, she is a black woman leading me through the trauma of history. I think it’s very important that as a black woman, she’s engaged with the world around her; she’s engaged with history, she’s engaged with looking with being. She’s a guide into circumstances seldom seen'. (2)

Footnotes:

1. Cervenak, Sarah Jane, Wandering - Philosophical Performance of Racial and Sexual Freedom, Conclusion - Before I was straightened Out (Duke University Press, Durham, and London, 2014), Page. 163

2. Cervenak, Sarah Jane, Wandering - Philosophical Performance of Racial and Sexual Freedom, Conclusion - Before I was straightened Out (Duke University Press, Durham, and London, 2014), Page. 163

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Happy accidents can yield surprising results

Sometimes accidents can propel you in a whole new direction, one that you did not intend, however it good to also follow through on a process and see what happens. I accidentally messed up the development of my own images during the Plant based developer workshop with Eileen White from Sustainable Darkroom.

I was also unable to use my local lab’s scanner as this would have jammed it as I had cranked the hols of the side of the film when I was winding the film on the developing wheel during the workshop. This meant that the film ended being stuck together and and some area became undefined and under developed. Undeterred I decided to see what I could do with he fit, I also didn’t want to waste the film and consign it to the bin, wondering what if?

So, my local lab at Photofusion suggested that I rent their highly powerful and accurate Imacon scanner, which I did and it was good to use it, was not difficult and I was also to obtain 20 images from a roll of 35 images, not bad!

On inspection at home I decided that it wasn’t worth trying to make the images look accurate and refined, the images were too blurred and I actually liked the fading and distortion that I had created, I added a filter to them - sepia tone which made them look like historical images from 19th century - well not exactly but close enough!

I them printed them off onto reclaimed paper from Photofusion (thank you!) and now I am wondering what to do with them next, I feel I need to keep on with the process and see art can be done, whether that be collages or annotations, writing of some sort. I’ll just play around and see what happens.

Tomorrow I am off for a walk in Chilworth with two friends, both photographers and we ware going to explore the landscape of Surrey! This will be a nice opportunity for me to go for a walk with other women of colour and to also explore a place that is unfamiliar. My aim is to try and capture some portraits of them and of myself, to see what community feels like in this situation and to try and enact some thoughts that have been percolating in my mind of late.

I will them be developing the film and scanning at home myself - I have just bought a flatbed scanner so I am looking to get more agency and autonomy over my working methods, and to save money as well and in the long run it will be better for me.

Images below are scans and prints of the 35mm roll of film from workshop.

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I scanned the film using Imacon scanner which I hired from PhotoFusion for a few hours, the process was simple and I concentrated on scanning the images that had a tangible image on it.

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It was hard to decipher the septic frames so some images ended up needing onto each other unintentionally or the tress were braced but he fact they were not processed correctly.

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First scan and first impression, each frame was different and I had to manage my expectations, although I am intrigued by the process and what could come next, the potential in the image is what is intriguing me.

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Managed to recover some space paper from PhotoFusion that would not go through the printer. the paper is high quality and mixture of fine art, semi gloss and gloss paper. I have cut the paper up to A4 size s that I can feed it through my inject printer at home.

This also means I can be sustainable in my process, experiment and know that nothing is going to waste and that I have freedom to be playful.

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I printed off some of the images, a mixture of contrasts and black and white and the sepia Toine which I changed in Adobe Lightroom, they have a haunting quality and now look more like historical photographs, which is great! I wonder how they will look at collages? Or perhaps the backdrop for a portraits?

Reflecting on belonging and the gardens of Jamaica Kincaid

I’ve been reading about Jamaica Kincaid’s gardens in Vermont. Her book is curated with illustrations and refined sentences about her appreciation and relationship with gardening and the American landscape of Vermont; a northeastern state that borders the Canadian Provence of Quebec and has a distinct Englishness that feels familiar.

Vermont is part of the New England region and is the second least populated state in the US. Before Europeans colonised the US, there was a healthy indigenous population that inhabited the area for 12,000 years. My knowledge of Vermont before reading Kincaid extended to knowing about their Senator - Bernie Sanders, cold weather, and about how white the population is.

So it was a surprise to read about Kincaid; an Antiguan-American writer, essayist, gardener, and gardening writer living amongst the landscape that contrasted from her own upbringing in the Caribbean. I found myself easily absorbed by Kincaid’s writing, it felt like I was having a conversation with her and she has created vivid illustrations of the mountains of Vermont, the extreme weather, and the gardens that she has nurtured whilst living with her (then) husband and two young children.

Jamaica Kincaid is a Black woman who is mostly living in a white space surrounded by the history of England’s colonialism so this element must have felt familiar to her as she grew up in Angugia which only gained its independence in 1981 (the year I was born). However, the island and her memories do appear in the book infrequently and come in and out so it’s not really the focus of the book - the garden and her present existence in Vermont are at the forefront. However, the drastic difference between Antigua and Vermont does provide a point of reflection for me.

Kincaid is obviously passionate about gardening and is dedicated and appreciative of the cycle of nature and the abundance that her garden provides for her. The solace and a purpose for her, but also practical elements are not skimmed over such as the money spent buying new trees and flowers and the battles she faces when her attempts to furnish new life into her gardens don’t go to plan. At one point someone mentions cutting down some trees - this horrifies her and after the incident, she goes around her garden and apologises to the trees individually. You see she cares deeply and this act doesn’t seem absurd in the slightest.

I am only halfway through reading My Garden (Book) so there is still much to process in her writing and also regarding her relationship to nature. Currently, she is living in a house that was owned by the photographer which feels quite fitting! So I have been writing quite a few notes recently and I am working to start interviewing artists/writers/photographers/environmentalists about how nature is integrated into their life and practice.

Kincaid has also prompted me to think about what avenues I want to go down with my own practice. Will be something journalistic, personal, and reflective of the conflicting relationship with a place that has been enriched by the legacy of slavery and colonialism or will I choose to be more direct and address this history and by acknowledging it I can then reframe the narrative that reaffirms my belonging in UK.

I always find non-fiction writing more inspiring sometimes than academic writing, the narrative and the personal are easier to latch onto and I take strength from seeing someone similar to me thinking and processing similar ideas to myself. Makes me feel less alone.

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Collages of trees in Brockwell Park - June 2021

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Collages of trees in Brockwell Park - June 2021

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Collages of trees in Brockwell Park - June 2021

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Collages of trees in Brockwell Park - June 2021

Coming back to the beginning again

It has been a while since I went on a walk around Brockwell park with my camera, not since late winter.

Seeing the park in full bloom made me feel that those initial photos I had taken for my WIP 2021 were from another era, my mood has shifted slightly but I can still feel and even see the echos of myself pacing the park with a couple of cameras around my next, wrapped up and struggling to keep warm.

Now in the full blast of summer, I was back in the lushness of nature and all of the resplendent glory that makes you grateful for nature and the stimulus it provides. I was here with a group from PhotoFusion as part of its Step-Up programme, we initially met at the gallery and walked down together. We were each given an Ilford HP5 Plus - 35mm disposable Film Camera to use. I gave a short introduction to my practice and in particular my exploration of nature in my practice.

I explained to them what I wanted them when they reached the park and encouraged them to capture at a slower pace than they usually would. I even read them some poetry, and it wasn’t so cringing (hopefully). They all seemed eager and keen to get involved, and it was nice to be around people and talk about photography. I was also aware that it had been a while since I had been around people on a photo walk, all memories of previous ventures had been solitary outings which again changed my perspective. I wonder if it could be possible to do a project around photo-walking? Setting a tone of the walk with a poem or thought to reflect upon?

I’ve been writing many thoughts down and the work made that day will be considered as part of my research - the experience provoked me to think about the collective experience of photography outside of my private thoughts and hopefully the group appreciated putting themselves in a different state of mind. It was a sweltering day so it was challenging to not get overwhelmed by the heat but they did well and I was pleasantly surprised with my results.

This experience also made me reflect on the relationship of my WIP 2021 project to this blog, I can make a connection between the two, and one can provide provocations and ways for me to explore certain ideas. Whatever the outcome, the process will still be useful for me to be constantly editing and questioning the decisions I am making.

I will start reflecting more on portraiture as well as this is something that I want to introduce back into the project and I will initiate this with some self-portraits in a few months.

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Photos below were made in Brockwell Park during a workshop with Photofusion’s Step Up programme.

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Photos below were made in Brockwell Park during a workshop with Photofusion’s Step Up programme.

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Photos below were made in Brockwell Park during a workshop with Photofusion’s Step Up programme.

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Photos below were made in Brockwell Park during a workshop with Photofusion’s Step Up programme.

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Photos below were made in Brockwell Park during a workshop with Photofusion’s Step Up programme.